Week 8 - Plodding onwards

This week (week 7 - 8) I have felt the best I have felt in the last couple of months. I feel my energy is coming back, walking is getting much less painful, my toes are loosening up and my general sense of happiness and normal life feels as though it is returning.

The downsides are mainly that there is still swelling in my feet, so I am unable to wear any decent pretty shoes, as much as I love my Skechers for their comfort it is summer and it would be great to wear some pretty pumps or sandals - not fussed about heels right now but something girly would be nice at least. I've also noticed really weirdly that my feet have become super hairy in the past few weeks (sorry if that gives a gross mental picture), it might just be coincidence but there's certainly a change since before the op.

The other downside is that I am feeling the weight gain from the past two months. It's to be expected I'm sure - I haven't moved properly for two months and have been comfort eating to some extent, or boredom eating more likely, but I can feel it and see it on me.

On Monday night I plucked up the courage to go the gym!! Was feeling a bit bleugh so thought I would give it a go - I could always leave if it felt too much but I wasn't going to chicken out... and I LOVED IT!!!! I managed to spend some time on the cross trainer and the elliptical, before moving on to the rowing machine and then weights.

A few tips from my session:

• Make sure your feet are well planted in the cross trainer towards the back, this allows you to push into your heels if you need to suddenly stop the pressure on your toes
• Don't go too fast, I tried some sprints but then realised if I lose control it could be bad - be safe
• I overdid it and ended up feeling very nauseous, take it easy if you haven't exercised for a while
• On the rowing machine, I assumed it would be using just my arms, but actually you need to bend  your toes and push off - be gently when doing this

We then did a swim as we were at the sports centre so it was a good spurt of exercise - I really did love it - exercise rocks! I had found the week before I went swimming and struggled to push off from the wall. This week it was so much easier, a marked improvement. I'd highly recommend swimming as you can move your toes against the resistance of the water and is a great but comfortable exercise. You can also practice standing on your toes with your weight being reduced.

The best improvement I have seen this week is the strength in my toes and range of motion. My exercises really are paying off (although am becoming a little less rigid in my regime than I should be). I have been focusing on getting on my toes and look.......

I CAN DO IT!!

Seriously chuffed about this!

I still have a bit of a limp when I walk, and each time the tightness seems to be in alternate feet. 

I do have something which is concerning me a little - last week I tried going up on my toes and afterwards I felt a sore stinging/burning pain in the top of my toe/foot. I still get this intermittently - more as a sort of discomfort as opposed to pain, but definitely noticeable. When my feet are hot and tired I notice this little bump appears: 

It feels springy, just like a vein would but it's just strange and tender - will see how this goes and ask my consultant about this next time if it's still bothering me. 

Week 7 - Taking it step by step

One of the pieces of information I looked for but struggled to find online was what to expect when you walk properly for the first time (i.e getting out of the heel ortho-shoes) - so even though I'm still relatively new to this stepping malarkey - thought I'd put together a list of things to be aware of:

1. First few steps felt as though the ground was rotating infront of me, so felt like I was going to fall over. Had to cling to my husband a bit walking out of the hospital. 
2. The doctor told me I HAVE to learn to walk using my big toe - this is hard given that I'm now used to putting all my weight through my heels. It's also even harder by the fact it hurts a fair bit to put pressure on and if you haven't loosened up the joint it's even worse. 
3. Tip: do your range of motion exercises in the morning before getting up to walk and keep going with them as much as possible as it makes walking easier. 
4. The same above can be said for attempting to walk up and down stairs. 
5. Take the stairs very slowly - they're harder than I was expecting
6. Get a good pair of supportive loose trainers. I have been really pleased with my Skechers GoSteps, they have no seams so are very comfy over my scars and getting them on and off is easy. 
7. For the first few days I found walking barefoot really painful so I wore my trainers as much as possible. 
8. Don't do too much!! I felt a bit too confident on Friday after being able to walk but by mid afternoon I was exhausted and my feet throbbed. Listen to your body and take it easy still. 

This is just an introductory list and by no means expertly written - just a few experiences from my first few days sans boots

The weekend that has just passed has been filled with euphoric, though to some would seem trivial, moments!

I managed to get some housework done on Friday - by myself. Getting round the house on my new toes was painful and uncomfortable, but the freedom to do so just made me so much happier! I went for my first drive in six weeks, just to the local shop which is less than 10 minutes away, but was so liberating. The looks I was getting from people were interesting as I stumbled around on my feet as if I was drunk, but it didn't really bother me.

On Saturday the weather was nice so a friend and I went to a nearby lake, sat on the grass and had tea and cake. I put some music on my phone and just took it all in and got quite emotional - I just loved having my freedom back! I stuck my toes up towards the sky and thought they looked fab!

We then went swimming and again this was just the most brilliant experience. This was the first activity I'd done in nearly seven weeks that involved using all my muscles - I swam down to the bottom of the pool (it's quite a deep pool) and loved it. I then did some pretty full on lengths to get my heart rate going - really can't wait to get back to some proper fitness.

I am now on day four of walking, and it's already getting easier and less painful. I'm finding the stairs are the hardest part, however if I do my range of motion exercises before I walk this seems to make it much easier. Today I've managed to do the stairs without clinging on to the banister. I also am less wobbly when I get up so am seeing improvements.

My main goal is to get up onto my tiptoes which I'm too afraid to try at the moment and is probably quite painful - but am working towards this.

One of the exercises I now have to work on is the "towel scrunch" - this means laying a towel on the floor under my char and scrunching it towards myself with my feet - easier said than done! It's tricky and my toes feel quite stiff and sore doing it, however once you get the hang you can feel it is doing a lot to increase the range of motion further.

Week-by-week summary

I have put together a simple week by week summary, to avoid anyone having to slog through every detail (although would be lovely if you wanted to!) - this is very much a work in progress so I will update it as the weeks go and keep it as a featured post on the gadget bar for easy access.

Weeks prior to the surgery:

Get as much prepared beforehand as possible. Do a big shop to stock up your cupboards as you won't likely be going out much at least for the first couple of weeks and the idea of a supermarket filled me with dread, so I did about a months worth of shopping beforehand and froze anything perishable so it would last.

Get some key items such as: 

Shower stool
Very comfy clothes with wide leg holes
Tray table (for eating meals in bed/on the sofa)
Wheelchair if available (a self-propelled one will give you much more freedom)
Lots of cushions
E45 cream (to use when bandages come off)
Socks with lots of room in toe area for when bandages come off (walking socks gave good support)

Also good to set up your base ready for when you come back from hospital - you will spend all of the first two-three weeks here and likely up to 6 weeks. I initially set up a base on the sofa with a mattress topper for extra comfort (and to protect the sofa from going limp) and then had a duvet on and lots of pillows/cushions. I spent the first four nights on the sofa before getting upstairs to sleep.

Make sure you have done plenty of research so you know what to expect but try not to let anything put you off - remember everyone has a completely unique experience and recovery and so what you experience won't necessarily be the same as someone else. Stay positive and try not to let the nerves get to you - it will all be worth it!

Lastly, make sure you have a plan for who will be helping you - who will bring you home from the hospital, who will bring you your meals and help you out. For the first week you will ideally need someone on hand 24/7. Then once you are steadier on your feet you will need them less and less, but for 6 weeks at least you will need someone to drive you anywhere and someone to carry things if you need - the more support you have the happier and smoother those immobile weeks will be.

Week 1: Post Op

This week for me personally was really hard - much harder than I expected it to be. I was emotional and ended up in tears on most days. The pain mixed with immobility was a real shock to my system and I am also a very anxious person and found every little pain, particularly when trying to heel walk, made me worry I was doing something to ruin my recovery.

Tip: you will feel all sorts of sensations during the first few weeks. Pain comes in different formats and sometimes it was a deep throb, or a stinging, or a dull ache. Sometimes it was a stinging sensation on the skin or even at one point feeling like a needle was sticking into the side of toe. As far as I know all of this is normal and providing the overall level of pain is gradually decreasing then it should be fine - always contact your doctor/hospital if you are at all worried!

Heel walking was very hard in the first week - for me it felt as though every time I stood up something was going to crunch, it was a really uncomfortable straining feeling in my foot, coupled with getting used to putting pressure on your heels only it is difficult but you do get used to it and it gets easier every day. Take it slowly - don't rush anything.

I kept my feet up 24/7 for the first week solidly (minus toilet trips), as high as possible and I didn't remove my heel boots even at night.

I took painkillers routinely until about day 6 and then pretty much only took them when needed. Stopped taking painkillers at night after about day 4.

For showering, I used the shower stool in the bath and used the hose to wash the top half of me. I dangled my legs over the side of the bath, elevating them on a stool. I had my husband to help me with this during the first week.

I also had ZERO mental capacity during the first week or so - I couldn't concentrate on anything for longer than 5 minutes - so don't get frustrated if you can't watch an entire film or take up a new activity or get into a novel - I was spaced out on medication and tired from the healing so it was hard to do anything mentally.

Had to take Clexane injections in the stomach for the first two weeks at the same time every day. I got my husband to administer these as I just didn't fancy it - although I'm sure I would've got used to it. To be honest I think he quite liked being involved and having a role so I was more than happy to leave that to him.


Week 2:

My feet started to relax a bit during the week and I relaxed along with it, much less anxious. I did have a moment where I jumped up by accident, forgetting about my bad feet (but I had my heel walkers on) - this set me back and caused a bit of pain and anxiety so do remember to take it easy even if you are feeling things are improving.

I continued to stay on the sofa all day but made it upstairs at night. My husband went back to work during week two so I became a little more independent - learned to shower without his help using the shower stool so he didn't have to worry too much about helping me in the morning. Every day he would set me up with breakfast next to the sofa and tea ready for when I made it downstairs as carrying things was too tricky when using two crutches, and I wasn't steady enough to get by with one crutch just yet.

Continued with injections and had to have a platelet level check at the GP surgery at the end of the two weeks.


Week 3: 

Managed to move around a little more and slowly started to use one crutch so I could make a cup of tea and bring it back to the sofa.

I went to stay at my sisters for a couple of days as my husband was working away and she has a 3 year old son who is fantastic but it made me realise just how tiring this whole procedure is on the whole body - not just the feet. I struggled to be around anybody for too long as it just made me tired.

Mobility was improving slightly and I could manage with just one crutch. Still had the bandages on so couldn't get my feet wet which was hard as we had blistering heat during week 3.

Boredom really took it's toll during this week and I was constantly sore and stiff all over from lack of movement. Even though I could do a couple of limited pilates exercises what I really wanted to do was run around and get my heart rate up.

I still elevated my feet pretty much all day but was able to walk a little more to make myself meals and generally be a bit less of a burden round the house.

During this week I pretty much completely weaned off painkillers but took the occasional ones as and when I required them, sometimes at night to help me sleep. I worried a little about addiction so was trying to take them as little as possible. I also found they made me feel very depressed which really didn't help my already down mood.

Week 4: 

At the end of week 3/beginning of week 4 I had my bandages removed. I was really excited about this and seeing my feet for the first time, but whilst it was lovely to see my feet, I actually felt it was a bit of a step backwards in my general feeling and progress. I suddenly found it really hard to walk again without the protection of the bandages and so this dragged my mood down a lot, just when I was starting to feel a bit more human.

I also started doing my range of motion exercises. These were EXCRUCIATING for the first day or so, and to begin with just made me cry with how painful it was - however my doctor had said if it isn't painful, then I'm not doing it right, so I really pushed myself through this to get my toes as far back as they will go. I was surprised at how stiff the joints were.

There is also a huge amount of skin that stays under your bandages for three weeks - my feet looked like lizard feet and every day a load of scales would appear and dead skin needed to be removed. I used a lot of E45 cream to help with this.

Week 5 and Week 6: 

Main issues to deal with are continued boredom and feeling rubbish, getting frustrated and noticing muscle loss. However, mobility is somewhat improved and can sometimes get by without crutches at all, although this feels like it puts more strain on the feet so I used the crutches as much as possible, and always when leaving the house!

I continued to do my range of motion exercises four times a day, or more. Generally I just did them whenever I wasn't eating, drinking, going to the toilet or standing up. Just pushing them back and forth as often as possible.

Week 7:

This was the first week of walking properly. To begin with this was really strange and my toes were really stiff and sore. The first few times I tried walking barefoot I felt the floor was rotating infront of me so I was a bit wobbly. I was able to drive, but could only manage about 10 minutes or so. Walking was very slow, and I would know if I had done too much on my feet.

The hardest challenge of week 7 was learning to go up and down the stairs. I had completely forgotten how normal people use stairs and so could only manage it clinging to the bannister or contorting my body and doing it one step at a time. Going downstairs was particularly tricky and I would often yelp at the odd step if I tried it too quickly.

Week 8

This week I felt the best improvement, feet are starting to become less stiff and sore and I can manage more and more time on my feet without a limp. I returned to work in the office this week, although feet would occasionally go purple if allowed to dangle for too long. I managed to get to the gym and swimming is easier, able to push away from the swimming pool wall with my toes.

A big success from this week is being able to go up onto my tiptoes. I practise this every day and also practise walking like a gymnast/ballet dancer, pointing my toes and planting my big toe on the floor, then pressing the ball of my foot down and following the step through. This practises walking using my big toe and also flexing the toes.

To be continued...

Day 42 - Six Weeks - Look who's walking!

I genuinely never thought this day would come - I can WALK!! I am so unbelievably happy! I said to my husband in the car on the way home from the hospital that I honestly feel like the old me has stepped back into my body (pun intended)

The consultant was really pleased with my progress and also my range of motion in the joint, a testament to the hours and hours of exercises I was doing on my toes and shows that the initial pain of it really is worth it. I had found after a few days that I rally had to push my toes to the limit in order to feel pain so tips for those just starting on the exercises to really push through the pain in those first few days as it is so worth it!!

Was a bit of a giggle as when I went to the hospital I was immediately taken round to get X-rays done. I walked into the room and the radiographer asked me to remove my heel boots and then walk over to the X-ray pad (whatever it's called) - I was like "err.. I haven't walked for six weeks and you're expecting me to just hop over to you are you?" (Slightly more politely than that obviously) - it was so strange, I felt as though the floor was rotating under me, not easy to begin with!!

I then went round to the consultants room and he was so enthusiastic about my recovery so far, said my feet looked good and that I can walk/drive/cartwheel/dance/climb a mountain if I feel comfortable!! He did grab my toes and wiggle them a lot to check the range of motion which I was expecting to hurt but was just uncomfortable more than anything. I was so happy - this is the moment I'd been waiting for for all those six miserable weeks!

My X-rays:

My left foot

Right foot

I think it's really cool to see the hardware in my feet.

I was told I can wear any shoes that are comfortable for me, however one piece of advice I would give from the 19 hours since my appointment, is to wear something supportive. I find barefoot really quite uncomfortable/painful so am keeping my Skechers trainers on most of the time for now.

Feet on the ground

Have to remember to walk how a normal person walks and not stay on my heels as I have done for the past six weeks - this is tricky but again needs to be done to get back to normal ASAP.

The only thing I have really struggled with since walking is the stairs - these are not my friend at the moment. I just can't remember how a normal person walks up and down the stairs and it's mega painful if I try it too quickly - I need to work on this.

I'm so cheery and upbeat - just feel so different to how I've felt for the last six weeks.

I have found the last six weeks to be incredibly difficult. I have been in some pain, but harder than that I think is the debilitating effect of immobility - this really played havoc on me mentally and emotionally and I was not prepared for it. I found my muscles atrophied a lot and I've put on weight, although this wasn't something I particularly worried about during my recovery as I found that boredom just leads to me eating more and I can easily fix this once I'm active again. I would urge anyone thinking of having this surgery to prepare yourself for it being difficult. Not everyone will experience what I did, some may enjoy the time off wth feet up, but just be prepared that you may not enjoy it. However the feeling is almost euphoric when you go and get told that you've recovered really well and by resting and doing what the doctor says you have improved your recovery.

Is it all worth it? Well it's too early to say 100% as I'm still experiencing some discomfort and it's still relatively early days and I'm not going to run before I can walk - what I would say is my feet look so much better than before, even with the major swelling my feet fit into shoes much more easily and I'm feeling so positive about when the swelling goes down and I can really make most of them.

The consultant asked me how I found having both done together and would I do it that way in hindsight - my answer was absolutely! I think if I had done one at a time, I'm not really sure I'd have been able to go back and have the second done - although given how happy I am now maybe I would have - people generally forget pain don't they, that's why some people go back and have more children as they forget how bad childbirth is. It's definitely been harder having both done, but I can now say it's over with and can look forward to my recovery fully coming to an end soon and not worrying about doing this all again. If you do both together it's so important to have a good network surrounding you.

So that's the end of that chapter of my recovery and on to the next part which is learning to walk again and taking it easy - I need to remember this. Walking is uncomfortable and so I need to make sure I don't rush things!

Day 41 - Is today the day??

I have my six week appointment with the consultant TODAY!!! I am keeping everything I can crossed that the x-rays will be ok and I will be allowed to walk (what's that I hear you say?)....yes...WALK out of the hospital! With my feet in actual shoes and everything.

I'm a bit nervous they might find a problem and I'll have to stay in my heel shoes for a bit longer - but just have to stay positive and look forward. I also really hope I don't have a meltdown and almost pass out again like last time!

I'm off on holiday in a few weeks time, and decided I need to get hold of a good pair of sandals to wear as trainers might be a bit limiting in the heat. I have searched far and wide for the right pair as they need to fit the following criteria:

Supportive
Have a backstrap
Not a thin strap over toes because of swelling
Not a flat/thin sole

This is harder than you might think - anyway earlier this week I found the PERFECT pair. They were brilliant - the were flip flop style so wouldn't restrict my toes, but had a chunky backstrap and another strap to support the top of the foot, and a padded sole. Not only that, they were white which everyone who knows me knows I love white shoes!

Here are the lovelies in question:

So they arrived yesterday and I thought I would try them out - they looked fab and I was so happy to get a pair that would fit my ever so slightly puffy feet in - HA! how wrong I was!! My feet aren't just a little puffy as I thought - my feet are HUGE! I couldn't get my foot past the brown strap, I managed to cram them in which then hurt my scar so panicked and thought they might have to be cut off me. I will keep these shoes as they are just beautiful but I think I was kidding myself when I thought I was immune to bad swelling and that normal shoes would be no problem!

I then gathered up some of my old pairs of shoes which had stretched out a bit. Some of these fit, but all were snug.

This afternoon I am off to the hospital to get my feet x-rayed and see the consultant, so I have my trainers ready to go. These are the beauties I am taking:

These are the most comfortable shoe I have tried on by far and has a lovely soft toe box so doesn't restrict my toes.

Keeping everything crossed I will be walking in these today!

Whilst reflecting on the last six weeks I have made a list of all the things I miss that I'm looking forward to when life returns to normal!

Exercise
Doing things with speed
Being busy
Wearing nice clothes and shoes
Walking
Dancing
Driving
Freedom
Not worrying so much about what I eat
Standing up straight, normal walking
Strength
Going to restaurants/pubs

Day 36 - Getting out of the house!

I find I am learning so many lessons as part of this recovery process. Today I have learned that the world really isn't geared up for disabled people...

I am coming up to my six week appointment to see how my recovery has gone and determine if I will be allowed to walk. For this I need to go prepared with a good pair of shoes to start walking in that need to be wide enough to fit my big fat toes in and supportive to encourage good walking and foot health, so a new pair of shoes is in order. 

We went to a shopping outlet today which also happens to have a mobility centre where you can hire mobility scooters and wheelchairs. Perfect I thought! However, when we got there we went to the mobility centre which is right by the disabled area of the carpark, but there was noone there and it was locked. There were some other people waiting outside too wondering where they were so my sister found the phone number for them and they said to go to the information centre as this is now where the mobility aids were being given out. This was right in the centre of the shopping outlet!!!!! Therefore, I had to hobble on my crutches right through the shopping centre to get the scooter, and then also had to hobble back with various carrier bags at the end of the day - not only did this take ages as I am extremely slow on my crutches, but was also exhausting and a real struggle. Luckily, I am able to hobble, even if it takes a while, but some people aren't, and whilst you'd expect they would have someone who might be able to go and pick one up for them, some people can't be left on their own and it's also just downright inconvenient - this was the first problem I encountered. 

Secondly - shops do not lay themselves out to make it easy or helpful for people using wheelchairs. They put clothes racks far too closely together so you have to squeeze through them potentially taking some of the clothes with you. A number of times during the day I bumped into displays and got my wheels caught. One shop which I won't name and shame I went into and immediately reversed as I thought there is no way I can get around this place without damaging something or someone. 

In addition to the narrowness of clothes racks, they also put some racks up REALLY HIGH!! I went into one shop and couldn't reach anything on the top rack and so just stared as it feeling a bit crap. Thankfully the customer service in this particular store was great and someone hopped over to me speedily to help - but you don't get this in all stores and if it hadn't been for the nice shop assistant I would have been really stuck!

On top of the problems getting around the shops, there's also the looks you get from people all day long when using a mobility aid. These are threefold; there's the avoiding eye contact look, where people will do anything to make sure you don't think they're staring at you. Then there's the sympathetic smile you get (ok thanks I'm still a human, I'm not dying, I just can't walk at the moment), and the best one is the "what's wrong with you" face! This is my favourite as people will blatantly look at you, a young, normal sized person, and look you up and down until they see the source of your ailment to ensure you justly require the use of the mobility aid. Obviously I am wearing two surgical boots so this is (hopefully) evidence that I have limited foot usage, but some people won't have these - suggestion to anyone coming in contact with a mobility aid user - don't judge them, don't care about why they are using the aid, or whether they really need it, it's not impacting you in any way so forget about it. 

The looks I experienced throughout the day made me feel a bit crappy and small during the visit, and I thought to myself that this is just temporary, I can handle this because I know that very soon I won't need to use the scooter, and I will have nice comfy feet - but some people are stuck with this forever for other reasons, and these looks are really not on! I think these lessons have humbled me a lot and I'm grateful to have had a small insight, it's certainly changed the way I look at things. 

So anyway, rant over, back to the outcome of my shopping trip - I went into Skechers as a lot of people who have had the surgery suggest that they are good and supportive. I found several pairs I liked but was really shocked at how uncomfortable it was to try to get my feet into them. I needed to do some of my toe exercises to loosen them up so they would bend into the shoe, but the swelling is still so severe there were some shoes I really just couldn't get my feet into. I got a bit teary when I did manage to find a good pair as it suddenly hit me that these are my new feet, and once the swelling goes down, should hopefully actually fit into new shoes, whereas I always used to have a very sore bunion for the shoes to stretch round. 

So excited now to get out of these heel walkers and into my new trainers, getting so close now! 

Day 33 - Happiness is a Self-Propelled Wheelchair

I'm afraid John Lennon and Paul McCartney got it a little bit wrong - happiness is not a warm gun, it is in fact a self-propelled wheelchair!

After two miserable days of intense boredom and feeling rubbish I begged my sister to take me out today. There's a garden centre about 10 minutes drive away from us which has a nice cafe to get lunch and a good play area for my nephew - it also has wheelchairs and motorised scooters that you can borrow so the perfect place for taking out little old disabled me!

When we arrived my sister went off to get the wheelchair and came back with a self-propelled on so I could push myself round. This was AMAZING! Sounds so arbitrary but it made such a difference to be able to move around at a decent pace and look at what I wanted, not to be at the mercy of anyone else. It was really easy to get the hang of too in terms of steering. I now wish I'd rented one of these early on as it would have given me a few more options for getting out of the house. This lifted my spirits immensely so I'm hoping we'll go back soon so I can have another opportunity. I also let my nephew sit on my lap for a while (he's only three so still small enough) and he loved it. I also loved using my arms to get around, there were a couple of uphill ramps which actually got my heart rate up - it was great!!

Check out my wheels! 

I found the below picture online a few days ago which I thought summed up the recovery process so well. I am definitely one who expected to just have a few tricky days of pain, followed by five weeks or so of glorious sitting around doing whatever I want, watching lots of TV etc. This couldn't have been further from my expectation - so many ups and downs! Today I'm feeling more up which is good but the picture is definitely a good representation:

My toes are still getting more flexible. I'm slightly concerned I'm being a little too rough with the joints, but the surgeon did say to cause pain and so here's hoping his word works and that I'm not damaging myself by flexing them too much - I definitely don't want to end up with stiff toes however!!

Tomorrow is the one week countdown to my appointment with the consultant. Keeping everything crossed that those x-rays will be ok, I am holding out every hope that it will be the day I am finally allowed to walk with shoes and everything!!!